Spring of Minato
by ghirahim
Summary: Namikaze Minato never thought his life needed anything, but it took a door to the face to realize he lacked the friendship of an ironworking porn star. Now the two embark on a season blooming with lust, insanity, meddlesome family members and excitement!


Disclaimer: Writing is a non-profit source of entertainment for me and as such I don't get a paycheck for it; unless we're speaking about the mental kind – which we're not. I do not own Naruto, as I have stated several times before. I also do not own any of the video games or any other manga referenced. Lastly and perhaps the saddest of all, I also do not own my own adult entertainment company.

A/N: _"other side of the telephone~"_  
>'<em>sendingreplying to a text'_  
>Converting Fahrenheit scale to Celsius scale so ...100.4°F = 38°C<br>Converting Pounds to Kilograms: 81.4lbs = 37kg  
>Converting Feet &amp; Inches to Centimeters: 6ft, 4in = 193cm<br>Converting Dollars to Yen (March 10, 2012): $1,092.22 = ¥90,000  
>Japan's legal drinking age is twenty, somewhat surprisingly it is also the age of majority. The age of consent, however, is thirteen.<p>

* * *

><p>"<em>There is a thin line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line."<br>-Oscar Levant_

* * *

><p>The key thrust into the lock, clicking loudly, signaling the opening of their new house. The key filled knob twisted and the door opened allowing thirty-eight year old Namikaze Minato to stand in complete awe at their new place of residence.<p>

"Whoa!" A voice behind him shouted, "its complete empty."

"Dude, I can echo so loud in here dattebayo!" A second voice chimed in. Minato sighed side-stepping allowing his kids to run inside the house gaping and looking around. Not exactly the behavior one might anticipate from a fifteen-year-old and a nineteen-year-old but Minato was definitely used to it; these were his kids after all.

The fifteen-year-old was Namikaze Konohamaru and the nineteen-year-old was Uzumaki Naruto. The latter was the product of one of Minato and the red hot-blooded habanero known as Uzumaki Kushina's many teenage sexcapades. The bouncing, bubbly blond was conceived at the beginning of Minato's final year of high school; he was born halfway through the year and as Kushina was six months older than him, _and_ a grade above, she was already in college by the time she gave birth. However, at nineteen she did fit into that whole unwed teenage mother stereotype.

After seeing one of her aunts give birth the redhead had been stricken with an extreme case of baby fever at an early age. She and Minato met during a school wide trip, to the forest of all places, when she was twelve; a couple of her classmates were teasing her with the given nickname of 'Tomato' because of her red hair and chubby cheeks. Satisfied after beating them up then receiving her current identifier of the 'Red Hot-Blooded Habanero' she ran off to cool her head and her long hair got caught on a tree branch. Minato had gotten lost from his class and had been walking by when he heard her grumbling. Once they made eye contact Minato commenting on how beautiful Kushina's hair was and immediately set out to free her. Kushina got over the initial shock of anyone complimenting her hair and befriended the younger kid stating outright that he would father her future child.

Minato reluctantly agreed then told the redhead that after their kid was born he would adopt a child too as he was adopted at age three. The blond was adopted by world renowned infamous author Namikaze Jiraiya. Like Jiraiya had given him a home at a young age, Minato wanted to do the same for a young child. So four years after Naruto was born, Minato adopted three month old Namikaze Konohamaru.

Early on, just as Jiraiya did to him, Minato told the brunet that despite the lack of a blood relation their bond was just as strong – if not stronger – than any biological parent-child relationship. Even though Konohamaru wasn't biologically related to Minato he did pick up on most of the blond's habits and mannerisms.

_Unfortunately_, Naruto inherited the physical appearance of his mother (though he did get the blond hair from Minato), in addition to her looks he also got her talkativeness, prankster personality and extreme stubbornness. While on the subject of the nineteen-year-old's face, Minato wasn't entirely certain how Naruto received the 'whisker' like cuts on his face and every time he tried to ask Kushina about it she changed the subject.

A hand clasped itself on Minato's left shoulder before its owner came into the blond's line of sight. "So... this is home, hm?" Beside Minato stood his best friend of the past thirty years or so; thirty-seven year old Nara Shikaku patted the blond on the shoulder before walking into the house.

The reason for the best friends joint housing was because during their junior and senior high school years they often frequented one another's house just about everyday alternating which house to sleep at; to save money on train or bus fare Minato and Shikaku figured it would be easier to just live together after graduating from high school.

Shikaku's son, Shikamaru, wordlessly walked into the house behind his father silently analyzing the structure of the house. Shikaku might have legally been the architect but his son inherited his interest in building foundations. "Alright." Minato clapped his hands together as he saw everyone standing in the foyer. "According to what I understood from my conversation with dad earlier this house seems to have nine rooms or was it ten? Uh, with the bathrooms there are five and a half."

"Half? What's a _half _bathroom?"

"A half-bathroom, Naruto, is a bathroom that does not have a shower." Blond eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Anyway. Because we need to have a living, dining and a guest room that leaves the number of rooms to use as bedrooms to six or seven. Dad said that he, Shikamaru, Shikaku, Kushina and myself get our own bedrooms which means Naruto and Konohamaru will have to share."

"Hold on." Naruto interrupted. "I don't mind sharing with Kono and I don't want to sound like I'm complaining or anything but why do mom and Ero-jiisan get their own rooms when they don't even live here? And a guest room? The only people who stay over would hardly be considered 'guests.'"

"I'm getting my own room, gaki, because I'm paying for the place." The white-haired man announced walking into the house. "You really shouldn't leave the front door wide open." Sighing, he closed the door. "When you start paying some bills you can get your own room, besides its only fair the two youngest share."

"Shikamaru is two weeks older than I am!"

"Two and a half." The white-haired man corrected tsking, "you two shared a bedroom at the old place so what's the problem?"

"The _problem_ is that you don't live here and are only using this house as a hideout from your crazy stalkers!"

The white-haired man cleared his throat. "That is not true! I was merely planning on living with my family." Naruto's eyes narrowed. "Konohamaru, I got your uniform." Turning his attention to the brunet he held up the clear plastic dry cleaner bag with a black uniform inside.

Minato's eyes narrowed at the bag, "uh... it looks a bit big for him, doesn't it?"

"What are you talking about? It'll fit him just fine. More to the point why are you all just standing around? Do you have any idea the hellish traffic I had to endure to get here?"

"_You_ moved us out here!"

The white-haired man tsked the blond, "I thought I would have taught you better than that Minato. All the greats are moving to Roppongi nowadays."

"Jiraiya-san..." Shikaku stared at the white-haired man, "us moving here – it wouldn't have anything to do with Roppongi's infamous nighttime scene, would it?"

Jiraiya chuckled heartily, "of course not Shikaku-kun. That's merely an added bonus. Now..." The white-haired man clapped his hands together, "everyone go shower and get dressed. We're leaving in thirty minutes and if you're not ready we're leaving without you!"

"Ero-jiisan, we're still sore as hell from that train ride do we really have to go to Kono's entrance ceremony?"

The white-haired man's left eye twitched at the nickname but otherwise didn't comment. Due to his profession of creating erotic literature: such as the ever popular Icha-Icha series; at a very young age Naruto, Konohamaru and by extension Shikamaru on occasion gave him that disrespectful nickname and dozens like it though this one seemed to be their favorite as they addressed him by it the most. Jiisan because, well he was their grandfather (and like a grandfather to Shikamaru) and the ero was short for erotic or eroticism. Those damn kids really had no respect for him –just like their fathers!

Nearly thirty-five years ago if someone told the white-haired man that he would have a family this insane he would have punched them in the mouth. With his easy-going lifestyle Jiraiya had no intention of starting a family nor did he plan on adopting but a trip to the orphanage quickly changed his mind. A little blond three-year-old who was far wiser than his years should allow struck a conversation with Jiraiya out of the blue and Jiraiya was smitten with the little boy. At the risk of sounding conceited, the boy reminded Jiraiya a lot of himself so it would be a crime for him not to take the kid under his wing and it was a good thing too as Minato followed in the 'family business' of writing even though they wrote _completely_ different genres.

"It really isn't my fault you idiots got lost." He glanced at Minato who shrugged, "besides just because you skipped all of yours doesn't mean he should follow in your footsteps."

Minato gaped at the nineteen-year-old, "_all_ of them?" Grinning sheepishly, Naruto rubbed the back of his neck with one hand and scratched one of his whiskered cheeks with the other.

They barely managed to make it to Naruto and Shikamaru's first year of junior high school entrance ceremony and Minato knew that they missed the last two – the first was because the school moved up the entrance ceremony by a day and the whole family had been taking a trip out of town so that was sort of excusable and the second was due to the blond inheriting his mother's stubborn personality and his refusal to wake up made them miss it. But Minato had to wonder what Naruto did to miss all three of his high school entrance ceremonies – and what was Minato himself doing to let Naruto not go in the first place?

"Uh, Ero-jiisan, if all of the showers are occupied at the same time I'd say at least four of us will be drenched in cold water."

Jiraiya stared at the nineteen-year-old, "are you sure?" Shikamaru nodded. Much like Minato and Shikaku; Naruto and Shikamaru were inseparable best friends for as many years as they knew one another, but no one truly knew if it was because of their father's relationship or if they just enjoyed one another's company. Given their polar opposite personalities one wouldn't even think they would hang out let alone be friends and _best_ friends at that. Naruto was incredibly perceptive, excruciatingly friendly and dangerously hyperactive while Shikamaru on the other hand was lazy and listless and not exactly the most tact individual around.

"Not if we shower together." Naruto winced as Shikamaru hit him over the head. "We used to do it all the time back in our old house, it saves water! Besides, even with the half bathroom there aren't enough bathrooms for everyone to use at once."

Minato sighed, he didn't want to admit it but Naruto was right... all these years Minato merely thought his son was displaying perverted tendencies sneaking into the shower when his best friend or little brother was occupying it but his thoughts couldn't have been further from the gutter.

Given Minato's own childhood he really couldn't be blamed for thinking his son turned into a sexual deviant and if Naruto did turn out that way Minato only had Jiraiya to blame.

The Icha-Icha series might not have been the only books Jiraiya wrote but they were his most known. The Icha-Icha series had over fifty books at the moment and showed no signs of stopping anytime soon; the books were all heavily descriptive smut – as the years went on the smut went from the typical vanilla male/female sex to the more controversial albeit more interesting things like bondage, threesomes and group sex, tentacle fantasies and even same sex ...sex and that wasn't even a third of the shit that went down in these books! Jiraiya made billions of yen, internationally, on this series alone and they weren't even the only books he wrote even though they were the ones he became infamous for.

Obviously, a man who created books loosely based on his own promiscuity would be the worst possible influence for a child. Unfortunately as he single-handedly raised Minato he turned out to be the thirty-eight year old's only parental influence. When Minato didn't turn out the way Jiraiya had hoped he stopped trying to force his perverted logic on his son and moved onto his grandsons.

The self-proclaimed 'super king of perverts' got his grandsons and Shikamaru knowledgeable about sex before they engaged in it; he already knew Naruto and Shikamaru were 'sexually active' the latter more so than the former but Minato was extremely hopeful that Konohamaru had yet to engage in anything of a sexual nature.

While teaching the children the 'wonders' of sex, Jiraiya claimed it was better to learn about this sort of thing from the family than picking it up on the streets. Minato did agree with that statement but it was the _way_ Jiraiya taught them that was he disagreed with. Incidentally, Jiraiya also taught high school and junior high school sex education. Minato had no doubt that he was perhaps one of the best teachers for that subject after all Jiraiya was a master of his craft, the blond had far more sexual knowledge that he would care to admit in mixed company.

"Okay. So if you and Shikamaru don't have a problem showering together you two can do that." Naruto nodded and Shikamaru facepalmed. "Everyone else will take a shower alone. Come on, lets move. Lets move!" The three teens scurried upstairs to the bathroom. Shaking his head, Shikaku patted the blond on the shoulder before heading upstairs as well. "And don't take too long!" Jiraiya yelled as he walked up the stairs too.

Sighing again, Minato walked over to the staircase jumping slightly when his cellphone began vibrating in his back pants pocket. Fishing the phone out of his pocket the blond could only glare at the caller id that read '_Habanero.'_ Pressing the talk button the blond held the phone a good distance from his ear. "Yeah?"

"_Well, hello to you too Spark."_

Minato sighed, "what do you want Kushina?"

"_Damn, here I am going out of my way to attend **your** son's high school entrance ceremony and you give me the tude?"_

"I don't have a ...tude and if its so 'out of your way' to come see Konohamaru you are more than welcome to decline; I keep telling him its okay to not include you in everything we do but he's too damn nice."

"_He's nice because, unlike you, he is empathic and genuinely sweet... not to mention when you talk it really pisses me off dattebane!"_

"I suppose the feeling is mutual in that aspect." Minato sighed again, "but I know how hellbent you are on showing up and proving that you care about Konohamaru in some kind of way even though he isn't your kid therefore making him not your problem. Not to mention I would hate hearing you bitch at me from Naruto later about how unfair I'm being."

"_You're a real ass Minato. I am so glad Naru takes after my personality."_

"You might be the only one happy about that." The blond shook his head hearing the redhead suck her teeth on the other line, "anyway if you insist on showing up he'll be attending Roppongi High School—"

"_Fuck Minato, Jiraiya-san moved you guys to the Roppongi district?"_ Kushina whistled. _"Rit~zy. I shall definitely make an appearance there and I know that you do not want another repeat of Naru and Shika-kun's first year of junior high entrance ceremony so I'll try to make it there on time."_

"Yes, no one wants another repeat of that and thanks for saving me a seat by the way." Minato shook his head as he heard the redhead chuckle on the other line. "By the way, speaking of entrance ceremonies, did you know Naruto missed all of his in high school?"

"_All of them? Uh, how many were there exactly?" _Minato facepalmed. Apparently it wasn't his fault Naruto didn't attend them and really he should have known his mother was known for skipping school too. _"Don't worry, don't worry. Its all ancient history now man. I mean, nothing really important happens at the entrance ceremony anyway dattebane. Hell, I was giving birth during my college entrance ceremony so I clearly didn't go to that." _Kushina giggled hearing Minato sigh again, _"my my Minato-kun you sound rather hostile. Is sleep deprivation getting to you? I figured you would be more directionally aware not to train hop for eight straight hours never leaving Tokyo. You'd better hope my baby is alright or there will be hell to pay-ttebane!"_

"Naruto is fine and I'm not hostile although it seems like it talking to you."

"_Temper temper. Oh, aren't you supposed to meet with your new editor today? What will this be, hm? The sixth or seventh this year, or perhaps its the eighth dattebane?"_

"April just started so this will be the second editor I get this year; although its technically the first because I'm switching to a different publishing company."

"_Did you get fired-ttebane? For fuck sakes you have got to be the worst writer to work with, what do you do to get so many editors to quit?"_

"I'll tell you... at the entrance ceremony. Hope you can make it!" Hearing the redhead's protests Minato hung up the phone placing it back in his pocket continuing his trudge up the stairs. Despite the natural hostility the two seemed to exude whenever they were in one another's company Minato and Kushina were close friends that didn't let their child's birth deter that ...even though their parenting styles couldn't be more different.

As badly as Kushina wanted to have Naruto in her care full-time it was impossible as she frequently traveled the globe with her model/fashion designer/whatever the hell she had going on carrier; in addition to that the redhead truly couldn't be trusted to care for another human life so Naruto lived full time with his father and whenever her insane job permitted Kushina got to see and spend time with her son.

Like Shikamaru foretold Minato had the misfortune to being greeted with a cold shower and not that type of cold shower one needed after being overheated it was purely frigid ...no pun intended.

Grumpily getting out of the shower and getting dressed, Minato headed down the stairs to stare at his fifteen-year-old son standing at the foot of the stairs in an oversized, unbuttoned black blazer with a white undershirt and a pair of equally oversized black pants. "What the hell..." The brunet looked up at his father holding his sleeves up.

"Ero-jiisan and nī-chan are getting pins and stuff to hold this up. They said they don't want some perverted sensei to set their eyes on me." Facepalming, Minato walked down to the foot of the stairs. "I can parachute with these things..."

"I thought it would be a bit big, but its at least ten sizes too big for you."

"Damn, is Roppongi filled with giants?" Shikaku asked coming down the stairs. "There's no way that could be a small." He checked the tag of the jacket and much to his surprise it did say small, in fact it was an _extra_ small. Konohamaru might have been small for his age but he wasn't so small that an extra small couldn't fit him there clearly was a problem with the sizing in the school or the label was incorrect.

Apparently not only had Jiraiya moved them all to this crazy ass establishment but he enrolled the fifteen-year-old into this overly prestigious high school and he also got the brunet's inaccurate measurements possibly to boost his own ego more than anything else.

"Dad!" Naruto called out running down the stairs holding a large box. Surprisingly, given the boy's irrefutably clumsy nature, he didn't fall down the stairs or drop anything in the box. "There are no beds here but a few of our things made it, including mom's sewing kit." The nineteen-year-old placed the large box on the last step next to Konohamaru's feet. "I'm not as good a seamstress...? Tailor? Uh, I don't sew as good as mom does but I guess putting some pins and stuff might help make it tighter."

Shikaku and Minato exchanged glances before the former shrugged, "I'm more of an expert of fixing houses than clothes but I'll see what I can do." Konohamaru let go of his pants and they almost immediately fell down before he pulled them up. "Hand me some pins." Nodding, the nineteen-year-old complied.

Minato sighed sitting at the foot of the stairs as Naruto began helping Shikaku attempt to fix Konohamaru's clothes. "Jiraiya definitely screwed us this time..."

"Dad?" With his hand propped up against his chin, the blond glanced at the fifteen-year-old. "I know he adopted you and whatever but how come you call Ero-jiisan by his given name sometimes? I mean, I was adopted and I call you dad."

Naruto dropped a few of the pins in his hand to stare at his father as well, "that is an excellent question Kono."

"Well, it was sort of a habit for me I guess; when I was growing up whenever a beautiful woman was around dad told me to call him by his first name since he was too young to be considered someone's father... plus he didn't want illegitimate children claims but that's an entirely different story. I mean, I usually call him dad but his given name sort of slips out sometimes." Minato sighed, "I guess I wouldn't mind if you called me Minato when you get older." He glanced at the nineteen-year-old who was about to speak. "Not you Naruto."

"But that's not fair, Konohamaru is just as much your son as I am. So I should call you Minato too sometimes – hell I'm going to be legal in six months!"

"Why are you all having a gathering at the end of the staircase?" Jiraiya asked walking down the stairs.

"Oi, Ero-jiisan, let me ask you something... do you think its fair that Kono gets to call dad by his given name but I don't?"

"Hm... well I suppose that's one of the perks of adoption gaki; I use to call my old man by his given name."

"But dad told us you did it to pick up chicks!" Jiraiya gaped at the fifteen-year-old.

Clearing his throat, Minato stood. "We're all here? Wait, where is Shikamaru?"

"He's still upstairs." Jiraiya looked Konohamaru over as Shikaku and Naruto stood up attempting to straighten his uniform out. "Minato, what the hell is wrong with his uniform?" Minato stared at the white-haired man in disbelief.

"You picked it out, remember?"

"I ..._did_?" Jiraiya frowned and Minato facepalmed. "Hey gaki, try that jacket on would you?" Naruto and Konohamaru exchanged glances before the former shrugged. The brunet took off his jacket handing it to the blond who fit said item perfectly. The nineteen-year-old, along with Minato, Konohamaru and Shikaku all stared at Jiraiya. "Okay. So I got the measurements for the wrong kid, so what? No one is perfect... and the fact that Naruto can fit an extra small jacket doesn't exactly give Kono much hope in terms of growing."

"Alright, Konohamaru would any pair of black pants suffice?" The brunet shook his head opening the jacket Naruto was wearing that had the school's emblem then he pulled up his shirt slightly revealing the same emblem on his pants. "Son of a..." Shikaku covered Minato's mouth.

Jiraiya rubbed the back of his neck. "Can we get out of here already? I know this great all you can eat buffet I want to be a frequent visitor of... I'm sure we can just get a custom uniform from the school after the entrance ceremony."

"Then after we get the uniform and eat we can meet your new editor, right dad?" Minato's left eye twitched and, as his mouth was still covered, he nodded.

"When _all _of that is over we can do something about getting Shika into a new university. Yoshino has been hounding my ass all morning about it... damn troublesome woman."

Minato internally empathized with his best friend; he personally knew how crazy a child's mother could be – he did deal with Kushina on a regular basis – but Yoshino... Yoshino would be revered as a special case in terms of crazy. Yoshino and Shikaku were married for about three months and sometime during said time frame Shikamaru was conceived; unfortunately they were already mutually divorced by the time Yoshino hit her second trimester.

Most people figured Yoshino and Kushina planned getting pregnant at the same time because their kids were merely eighteen days apart but that really wasn't the case; as hard to believe as it was the whole thing was purely coincidental (or accidental depending on your perspective).

With Kushina's baby fever reaching an all time high at age eighteen she set out to get pregnant by Minato and achieved that goal in less than a month and during that time Yoshino and Shikaku were married so...

Because Shikamaru inherited his father's appearance as well as personality he lived with his father though, unlike Naruto, he frequented his mother's house weekly per her request. Then again, Kushina traveled around so much that she didn't have a house of her own and whenever she was in town she just invited herself over.

With Minato muffling, Shikaku slowly released his mouth. "Um, exactly why did you take him out of both Tokyo University and Kantō Technical Institute in the first place? I mean, we're still in Tokyo and schools don't exactly get as prestigious as those two."

Shikaku sighed, "mendokusai **I** wasn't the one that took him out of Tokyo U." He pointed to Jiraiya who gulped, "_he_ did; and as for KTI he was expelled remember?" Minato cringed. As badly as he didn't want to remember he did and quite clearly too.

Getting expelled from school for fighting, graffiti, sexual harassment or drug use was heard of but getting expelled from a college because you constantly corrected your teachers was incredibly rare. Yes, disrespecting authority was grounds for expulsion but Shikamaru didn't exactly do it in a disrespectful way – it truly wasn't the boy's fault that he was a hereditary genius. Nevertheless every teacher in Kantō Tech banded together to have him expelled which was what led him to transfer into the more prestigious Tokyo University which Jiraiya took him out of with the move. "Anyway, I'm sure if Naru was in college Jiraiya-san would have done the same thing to him."

"Yeah, I would have, but Naruto could never attend Tokyo U or KTI with his grades in high school so squeezing him into another school wouldn't be too hard."

"I'm standing right here you know!"

Jiraiya waved him off, "yeah we see you. Don't worry, I'll put Shikamaru in one of Tokyo U's other campuses." Minato and Shikaku stared at the white-haired man clearly unconvinced by his words.

"What about me?" Naruto pointed to himself, "can I get into a college too?"

Jiraiya shrugged, "you didn't do too bad so yes, but you'll never get into Tokyo U in this lifetime even if you could still use your athletic scholarship."

"Okay. Less talking and more moving, we gotta get to the school. Where is Shikamaru?"

As if on cue, the aforementioned nineteen-year-old came trotting down the stairs with his left pinky in his left ear. "Ah, speak of the devil." Shikaku remarked.

"Well I am my father's child." The black-haired teen retorted. "Speaking of parents, mom said she's bumming a ride with Uzumaki-san and she'll meet us there."

"Oh great." Minato and Shikaku replied then collectively sighed.

Naruto walked over to his best friend nudging him, "they must really not like our mom's huh?"

"Well they had to like them at some point or we wouldn't even be here." Folding his arms over his chest Naruto nodded in agreement.

… … …

It was hot outside, the heat wave currently sweeping through the entire Kansai region made certain of that; on this unfavorably hot and sadistically humid 38°C day in early April, Nineteen-year-old Uchiha Sasuke trekked through the humid streets and underwent a hellish twenty minute non air-conditioned train ride to enter the Otogakure main office building which borderlines the red-light district of Nishinari-ku, Osaka and the normal non perverted side of the ward.

Despite being born close to mid summer Sasuke absolutely loathed the heat; in fact, it was one of the top three things the teen hated. Said heat made the normally irritable navy-haired teen extremely irritable this afternoon and to add insult to injury Sasuke hated coming here more than the heat. The co-owner of the Otogakure building was one sex crazed Hebi Orochimaru who repeatedly tried to get into Sasuke's pants since he was a prepubescent twelve-year-old.

For someone as obviously and shamelessly lewd as the lanky snake-like man, it was only fitting that he would find a lasting profession in the pornographic industry; however, oddly enough, Orochimaru was also a science, or more accurately – a chemistry, sensei at a local university who surprisingly didn't get fired even though he constantly and blatantly hit on some of his students and fellow co-workers.

The reason for the nineteen-year-old's journey through the intense heat was because his father, Fugaku, was an employee under Orochimaru as well as his business partner Hatake Sakumo – otherwise known as the richest man in the world and perhaps the reason for Otogakure's existence in the first place. Fugaku was a horrible allergy sufferer and stupidly forgot to take and/or bring his allergy medicine with him to work so as any caring neet of a son would do Sasuke decided to bring said medicine to his father. Especially since the pollen count was ridiculously high with this stupid heat wave.

To be completely honest the _real_ reason why Sasuke was stuck playing the goody two-shoes errand boy was because Sakumo banned his dear older brother, Itachi, and his loving uncle, Obito, from the premises indefinitely for different reasons. For Obito, the twenty-seven year old was irrefutably clumsy and often broke anything he came in contact with... including body parts. If it wasn't for the money Fugaku made working here Obito would be in a massive case of debt; as for Itachi there were two reasons: the first being there was an onslaught of fanboys and fangirls worshiping the very ground the twenty-two year old walked on; and the second was due to an event that occurred eight months ago when the air conditioner went on the fritz and some now fired idiot put the heater on by mistake Itachi had the gall to walk around the building shirtless. It took three and a half hours to clean up all the blood left in the wake and if Itachi decided to walk around without pants Sasuke was sure Sakumo would have filed a restraining order. The thing that sucked the most about this shitty ordeal was that if Sasuke did the same thing it would not produce the same or even a similar result. Damn his fucking hot older brother!

Grimacing at remembering that horrible situation, Sasuke continued to trudge into the building. "Sasuke-kun~" With the grimace still plastered on his face he turned around watching his pink-haired best friend running toward him. Even with this intense heat Haruno Sakura seemed just as chipper as ever, if anything she seemed more chipper. "I didn't think you'd stop."

"Why the hell are you so happy?"

"Huh? Why Sasuke-kun, I am always happy." She began flipping her long pink hair. Sasuke had to scoff at that, one of the reasons for their close friendship was the similarities in their irritable personalities. "But if you really must know I am exceptionally happy today because the heat give people the wonderful reason or excuse to walk around scantily clad." She wiped the drool forming from the corners of her mouth. "I'm simply taking advantage of my keen observational skills."

"I see..."

"Besides, you told me you were on your way over here so I figured I'd meet you and see Fugaku-san." Sasuke facepalmed.

Uchiha Fugaku had been an adult video [or AV] actor for about as many years as Sasuke had been alive (perhaps even earlier than that) and was still high in demand today at age thirty-seven. In fact, Fugaku was actually more popular now than he had been when he just started out in his late teens – his increase in popularity might have been because he did ironwork for the same amount of years adult films and buffed up considerably yet wasn't overly, steroid questioningly muscular.

Needless to say having a father nearly twice his age and in better shape than he was made Sasuke more than just a little peeved, especially since both his uncle and older brother were heading down the same path in terms of physical prowess.

Once inside Sasuke spotted the oddly-pigmented, blue-haired security guard getting out of his tiny office. "Chibi!" He cheered approaching the teen slapping him on the back. "What's going on? Whoa-oh..." He broke out into a grin, "and just who might this pretty little lady be hm?"

"Right..." Sasuke sighed and as the man let go he rotated his shoulders attempting to get the feeling back in them, "Hoshigaki-san this is Haruno Sakura. Sakura, this is Hoshigaki-san."

Sakura bowed. "Its nice to meet you Hoshigaki-san."

"Likewise. Now chibi..." The blue-haired man frowned then tsked the teen tapping him on the head with the small black box he was holding. "I've told you about a thousand times its Kisame; Ki-sa-me. Say it with me now."

"Sorry Kisame-san."

"Good. Now, how is that brother of yours hm?" The blue-haired man waggled his eyebrows suggestively. Unlike most of the employees stationed as guards around the building Kisame didn't have a thing for his father – or rather it wasn't as prominent as his open attraction to Itachi. When they first met Kisame hit on Itachi and was brutally rejected, the strange man must have been one hell of a masochist and incredibly persistent because he kept up the flirting whenever he saw Itachi getting rejected every. Single. Time. Whenever he saw Sasuke he would always ask about the twenty-two year old inserting some sort of sexual innuendo.

"Ah, Sasuke-kun!" Sasuke turned toward the brunet jogging toward him. "Where is Obito-kun? Oh... what's— I mean who is this?"

Sasuke sighed, apparently everyone living in his house was targeted in this place. "He got banned last week, remember?"The brunet seemed to be taken aback by the statement. "And this is my friend Haruno Sakura." The twenty-year-old bowed.

"Oh, a 'friend' huh?" The brunet nodded to himself. "I understand. Now, are you sure Obito-kun was banned? I really wanted to talk to him about something..." Due to his overly affectionate, kind and bubbly nature not to mention his unnatural clumsiness Obito was often considered the black sheep of the Uchiha clan. Even for a twenty-seven year old man, Obito was also regarded to as cute by almost everyone he came in contact with – another non Uchiha like quality.

The pouting brunet was Shiranui Genma, one of the guards that openly admitted having a thing for Sasuke's father who plausibly also has a thing for Obito. Genma actually admitted, several times, that he barricaded the area he was in charge of just to watch Fugaku engaged in a threesome with two girls and a strap-on. Sasuke was surprised half of the guards didn't get fired for frequently neglecting their duties to watch his father in action. Then again Orochimaru was a pervert himself so it was possible that he allowed this. It was even more plausible that Orochimaru was watching alongside his guards.

"Now Sasuke-kun, do you and Haruno-chan need an escort upstairs? Because I will be more than happy to—"

"No thanks Shiranui-san, we're good." Sasuke grabbed Sakura's hand pulling her toward the elevator.

"Hold up a sec chibi, can you give this to your dad for me?" Sasuke eyed the black box Kisame tapped him with earlier wearily before taking it. As the elevator pinged open Sasuke and Sakura got in. "Oh and chibi? Haku's been asking about you~" Sasuke was about to retort but the elevator pinged close.

Though he was really tempted to open the suspicious looking parcel and see what was inside he decided against it. The last time he took it upon himself to open a box that wasn't addressed to him he got his ass handed to him by the box's owner, Itachi. He still had the bruises to prove said ass handing.

Setting aside thoughts of opening the box Sasuke grimaced as his thoughts went straight to those of Yuki Haku. Of course the sadistic, effeminate brunet would ask about him... it was just the sort of jerk he was. After a five year hiatus they coincidentally bumped into one another earlier today which started Sasuke's terrible mood. Between this building, the heat and Haku; Sasuke hated Haku the most.

"Haku-chan's back from the states?" Sasuke glared at her, "n-not that I've been in contact with him or anything... Honest!"

"Then how would you know he was in the states?"

"Eh... I heard from Hōzuki-kun..." Sasuke's eyes narrowed and Sakura looked at the elevator ceiling as she began to whistle.

Yuki Haku and Uchiha Sasuke were bitter childhood rivals since kindergarten and all the way until the end of their second year in junior high when the brunet went abroad for some reason or another.

Despite the lack of a family resemblance Haku and Kisame were agnate, or maternal, half-brothers; Haku also had an uterine, or paternal, half-brother in one of Sasuke's close friends Hōzuki Suigetsu. As these two also shared no similarities aside from them both being sarcastic, animal loving jackasses... but that could be more of a personality issue than a hereditary default.

Sasuke had no idea Haku and Suigetsu were related as they had different surnames and normally didn't hang around one another so he easy formed a friendship with the lanky, white-haired twenty-year-old. Unfortunately he found out they were blood related a few months later and as Suigetsu couldn't truly be blamed for his family Sasuke maintained the friendship with Suigetsu even though whenever they argued Suigetsu regularly took Haku's side because blood was thicker than water and before going abroad he and Haku did live together so they obviously were in contact – but he was getting off topic his best friend getting cozy with his arch-rival was unacceptable!

Even though the entire Kirigakure clan was extensive and thoroughly confusing Sakura wasn't related to them at all and therefore should have no contact with the brunet unless it was to make scathing remarks on Sasuke's behalf!

Once, Suigetsu attempted to explain the family tree to him but Sasuke ended up falling asleep halfway. Their family tree took up about one hundred and eighty pages in a four-hundred page photo album and said family tree wasn't even halfway completed.

Thankfully, when they arrived on the fourth floor everyone just finished wrapping up a shoot. The navy-haired teen didn't want to get caught in the middle of a sex scene – again. Not only was it scarring to see your own father fucking some random broad doggy style, but it was even more disturbing getting turned on by it! Though Itachi attempted to make him feel better by stating that he too watched a few of their father's movies and got turned on by them, then further commented on the fact that thousands of people jerked off to their father on a daily basis. This poor attempt at consoling the teen backfired miserably and failed to make Sasuke feel any better, if anything it made him feel worse and as a result he couldn't even be in the same room as his father for two whole weeks without getting an erection!

Sasuke scowled heading toward his father's dressing room, or lack thereof, with Sakura in tow. He peered his head inside and it was thankfully empty. "Sasuke?" The nineteen-year-old turned toward his towel clad father clutching a bottle of water. From the look of things Fugaku didn't just finish working ...he was about to start! In Sasuke's experience heading here whenever his father, or any other actor, was only wearing a towel he or she was getting ready to work; whenever they had on a robe they were finished ...or was it the other way around? "And Sakura-chan."

"Hi Fugaku-san!" Sakura chirped swaying from side to side. What could one truly say about Haruno Sakura? She was crazy, temperamental and incredibly violent? Those things were all true but that was just scratching the surface. Unlike most of the girls Sasuke grew up with Sakura wasn't willing to drive herself mad trying to impress him because of his looks and she was more than willing to get her hands dirty.

The two kids were first introduced sometime during their third year of elementary school, Sasuke was impressed that the pink-haired girl with the huge forehead easily beat up several opponent during a series of judo matches in physical education – why they were teaching eight and nine-year-old children judo in the first place was unknown but irrelevant. The small girl was beautiful but tough, she was so tough that they allowed her to go against boys in the judo matches which she won with similar ease – she might have won them easier because all the boys were too terrified to grapple her. As the school's idol of sorts the boys sent in Sasuke to do their dirty work, unfortunately he too was defeated by Sakura.

Most boys would feel emasculated being defeated by a girl but oddly enough Sasuke found himself intrigued and they have been more or less inseparable ever since.

Sakura's title reign ended a few days later when Haku of all people defeated her ...which probably got her enamored with the brunet despite his ongoing feud with Sasuke.

Sakura was a twenty-year-old law student at Osaka University minoring in engineering physics ...whatever that was. The pink-haired woman originally wanted to go into medicine to mirror her idol, Senju Tsunade, but the campus she attended didn't have any classes in medicine so she went for the next best thing as she heard that Tsunade also studied law in Tokyo University.

Sakura was smart and might have been capable of getting accepted into Tokyo U with the other 'eggheads' but her parents scared the hell out of her with stories of Tokyo schooling especially by commuting since they clearly had no intention of letting her live in Tokyo by herself.

With his scowl still in tact Sasuke gave his father the box from Kisame, then took out a tiny unmarked bottle from his pocket. "I don't know what's in that box but Kisame-san said to give it to you and you left your allergy medicine at home."

"Aww~! Isn't he just the sweetest thing?" Fugaku glared at the long-haired newcomer as he took his medicine with the water in his hand. "A real chip off the old block, eh Fu-chan?" Smiling, the towel clad male leaned on Fugaku's shoulder. "Hello there, I'd say its been about eleven years since I've last seen the ever adorable, elusive son Fugaku has been trying to hide from me." Lavender-whitish eyes glanced at Sakura, "and who might this be? Another child?"

"You know I only have two." Fugaku sighed as the pale eyed man chuckled heartily. "You probably don't remember seeing this strange man before so I'll reintroduce you two; Sasuke this is Hyūga, Hyūga my second born Sasuke and that's his friend Sakura."

"Friend?" Fugaku nodded at the look of uncertainty he was getting. "Hey, who are you calling strange? Wait...! Hyūga? Don't tell me you forgot which one I am?" Fugaku wordlessly began drinking his water again and the brunet got off his shoulder. "You'd think he'd be able to tell me apart from my twin after knowing one another for twenty-one years?"

Fugaku hit the man on the head with his half-empty bottle. "That's because you two always pull the switch, _Hizashi_."

"Oh, so you do know who I am?"

Fugaku rolled his eyes. "Of course I do. I could always tell you apart from Hiashi but I mix you to up on purpose just to piss you off since you take it so personally."

"And it works, so thank you."

"No problem."

"Uh, Fugaku-san, I don't mean to interrupt ...but how could you tell identical twins apart? I mean, I know each pair of twins have—" Sasuke covered Sakura's mouth.

Hizashi smirked. "Mind if I answer this one?" Fugaku shrugged going back to his water. "You see Sakura-chan, to put it in layman's terms, I am simply a far better fuck than Hiashi-chan." Fugaku almost immediately spit out his water then started coughing violently. "And there is your proof." Sakura slapped the thirty-seven year old on the back repeatedly until he waved her off.

Hizashi shook both teens hands. "Its nice to see you again Sasuke-kun and it is a pleasure meeting you Sakura-chan." Sakura blushed slightly as Hizashi kissed her hand. "By the way Sasuke-kun you truly are Fu-chan's boy and you are just as cute as he was at that age, then again he already had two kids and was an ironworking amateur adult film star at that time too."

Regaining his composure, Fugaku pointed at the door. "Just go Hizashi!"

"Fine, fine. I know when I'm not wanted. Tell Itachi-kun and Obito-kun I said hello, okay? Oh and before I forget lets have a play date tomorrow Fu-chan." Winking at Fugaku, Hizashi merely walked out of the dressing room.

Sasuke rose an eyebrow at his father who walked into the room taking a seat in the swivel chair, "play date?" Sasuke sat on one of the bar stools with Sakura spinning it slightly. "Do you two have sex off set?"

"Is that wrong?" Sasuke eyed his father up and down as the man began opening the unmarked box from Kisame, "what? I've known the Hyūga twins for more than half of my life Sasuke. Besides, its the best work to mix business with pleasure."

"Okay, I did not just hear that!" The nineteen-year-old cringed and shuddered.

"So, is it even allowed to sleep with co-workers outside of work?"

Fugaku shrugged drinking his water again. Hizashi stuck his head back into the dressing room, "Oh, I almost—"

"Forget it Hyūga, both of my sons and little brother are off limits to you two."

"What?" Hizashi sighed, "alright fine. I guess to be fair I suppose my two nieces and son are off limits too. Keep fucking my brother if you want, I honestly couldn't care less." And with that he disappeared again.

"You two have an ...odd relationship." Fugaku nodded in agreement finishing the rest of his water, "so how come his brother isn't around? Wouldn't he be here too?"

"He just left about five minutes before you two arrived."

Sasuke nodded, "I guess we should go too, I don't want to interrupt one of your ...scenes again."

"Awww! But I—" Sakura's eyebrows furrowed as she found her mouth being covered again.

"Relax, I just finished working." The nineteen-year-old sighed in relief, "I told you, towels are for after the scenes because most of us like to shower afterwords; robes are before because its easier to take off ...unless we're shooting a scene that actually requires us to take off our clothes without fully having sex."

"Got it... I guess." Sasuke stared at his father downing another bottle of water, "you can't get me into this profession, can you?"

"Hell no you damn neet. You won't get a normal job but you'd do this?"

Sakura released the hand that held her mouth captive. "Fugaku-san, what are the requirements of getting into this profession?"

"If I'm not getting hired there is no way you are Sakura." Pouting, the pink-haired woman slowly spun around in the chair she and Sasuke were sitting in. "Dad, I have sex for free all the time I might as well be getting paid for it!"

"I think he's trying to say it'll lose its luster doing it so often, you are kind of a sex addict Sasuke-kun."

"I am not!"

Fugaku sighed; a conversation about Sasuke's sex life would have to wait until another time because both Itachi and Obito needed to be present along with a therapist and maybe even a priest. "Look, son, I don't want to comment on your personal life and I'm not trying to be hypocritical or anything but worst case scenario – you and I have a sex scene together." Both Sasuke's and Sakura's eyes widened; obviously for two different reasons. "Exactly. Its the same reason why Itachi and Obito refused working here."

"They offered aniki a job? And Obito-nī?" Fugaku nodded. "...Before they got banned, right?" Fugaku nodded again.

"So, um, changing the subject... what's in the box Fugaku-san?" Smirking, Fugaku pulled out a small bottle handing it to his son who handed it to Sakura. "Oil?"

"Eww... dad, its nothing gross is it?"

"Don't be such a little girl Sasuke-kun." Sasuke seemed taken aback by that statement, wasn't Sakura the only female in this room? Green eyes narrowed at the label, "edible massage oil? Well I'll be... I had no idea such a glorious thing truly existed. Hey, where could I get a bottle of this?"

Fugaku snatched the bottle back from the twenty-year-old. "Hatake got it for us and this shit isn't cheap; he said we're doing a trial run on it outside of work."

Before Sasuke could utter anything the head of a silver-haired man poked through the open dressing room door. "Knock knock. Oh, you haven't left yet..." Gray eyes locked onto Sasuke and Sakura, "and I see your non-banned son and his best friend are also here. Hello Sasuke-kun, Sakura-chan."

"Hello Hatake-san." They replied.

"Gotta surprise for you Fugaku-kun." Fugaku rose an eyebrow, "don't look so skeptical I promise you'll love this."

"With all due respect, boss, I sincerely doubt it."

"No, no." The silver-haired man extended his right hand which wasn't visible because of the wall. After a few seconds, a redhead shorter than Sakura walked into the room with his hands stuffed in his pockets. "Fugaku-kun, this is Gaara-chan one of our newest employees. Gaara-chan, this is one of our veterans and most requested employee Uchiha Fugaku-kun."

Green eyes lit up and Sakura bounced over to the redhead while the father and son pair exchanged glances, "how the hell old is he?" They asked.

"He's standing right in front of you, why not ask him yourselves?"

Fugaku looked the redhead up and down taking in the piercings in the boy's ears and the left side of his lower lip, there was a bit of ink on him too – aside from the love kanji on the left side of his forehead, Fugaku saw what appeared to be part of a tattoo poking out of the right side of the teen's neck and another one poking out of the sleeve on the same arm.

He didn't know what they would do about the piercings but he was certain Hatake would have the make up crew covering the tattoos during most of their shoots, but both Hyūga twins had considerable amounts of visible tattoos that were never covered up so Fugaku wasn't entirely sure; then again with their rare genetic heterochromia they were pretty damn hard to miss.

Another thing Fugaku wasn't certain of was the teen's age ...the green-eyed redhead had a disinterested baby face so it would be pointless playing the guessing game. Not to mention he was staring at the redhead for a good minute or so and it was often considered rude to stare. "Gaara, was it? Exactly how old are you?"

"I'm seventeen Uchiha-san."

"There's no need for..." Fugaku did a double take then looked over at his boss, "you brought in a minor Hatake? Haven't you had enough of that?"

Sakura continued to hover around the redhead until Sasuke pulled her back onto the stool. Tsking, the silver-haired man shook his head. "Nope. Its been almost twenty years since I've hired a minor so I figured its time for some fresh blood. Some of the newer guys in their mid twenties and early thirties aren't as popular as my veterans so I had to lower the age to cater to the fans needs. Not to worry though Fugaku-kun, Gaara-chan isn't my only new employee although he is the youngest. But you'll meet the other three later..."

Fugaku sighed. "Hatake-san, how old was my dad when he started working here? I keep asking him but he never tells me."

"Your dad? Hmm... well, I hired him and the Hyūga twins when they were all eighteen but they were just doing handjobs and softcore stuff. They didn't start shooting full blown sex scenes until they were nineteen. No, I think the twins were twenty because it was after their birthday – but I'm getting off topic. You see, Sasuke-kun, back then cougars, threesomes and same sex relations weren't as popular as they are now so work for teenagers and twenty-year-olds was few and far between; especially since women under twenty-one weren't all that interested in this line of work."

"Wow..." Sasuke looked over at his father, "you were an eighteen-year-old porn star?" Sakura whistled in appreciation.

Fugaku ignored his son's question turning back to the silver-haired man, "so... the others; exactly where are they? Running errands for you?"

"You just won't let that go, will you?" The silver-haired man sighed. "My other new employees are meeting some of their co-workers, they need to get familiar with what goes on here."

"So its safe to assume that at least one of them is in Hyūga's care right now?" The silver-haired man nodded. "Are you sure that's a good idea ...leaving a newbie, especially a minor, with him? Do you remember what happened the last time you left a new employee with him? They didn't even last thirty minutes."

"Y-Yes, yes, I know. That was unfortunate but if they can't last a half hour in the same room with Hyūga Hizashi then there is no way they could handle working here. Besides, Hizashi-kun wanted Gaara-chan more so I'm pretty sure he's sulking right now."

"Did you get permission from their guardians?"

"Ah yes... I did, not that it really mattered." The silver-haired man waved Fugaku off. "Now what were you implying by asking me that question Fugaku-kun? What kind of boss do you think I am? Do you think that I would willingly pick up a couple of cute teenagers without a thorough background check?" Fugaku's eyes narrowed. Of course he thought that, it was exactly what he did nearly twenty years ago! But as emancipated minors Fugaku and the Hyūga twins didn't really need any sort of permission for work. "A-Anyway, I didn't want to do the same thing as everyone else—" The silver-haired man held up a finger stopping the question he knew his employee would ask.

"—Most of the people who watch pornography nowadays do it for the premature ejaculation and prepubescent bodies." Sasuke had to stare at Sakura after that statement and the twenty-year-old stared at the ground intently. Even though Sasuke was the one with the adult film star for a parent she was an immense pervert; especially since Otogakure often gave them free films for the errands they ran. Yes, Sakura too was stuck playing the errand girl with Sasuke. "I do movies with substance, not just porn without plots. In fact most people watch porn because of the women don't they? Whatever. Men are just as important to the adult entertainment scene as the women are."

"So that's why you haven't hired a woman here since I started working?"

"That's enough out of you! I have hired several female employees, its just that none of them seem to last as long as the men. Pun very much intended." Fugaku facepalmed. "Besides my boys are my all-stars and I do have a tendency to make more money with an all male cast. However it is good to have some ...what's the word? Fluidity? Differentially? No, variety! I need some of _that _in my actors. If Orochimaru was running the show every actor here would be a twink."

"What's a twink?" Sasuke whispered to Sakura who sighed, facepalmed, then shook her head.

"I'll tell you later."

"And on the subject of variety I find that adults have far better endurance and stamina than children do." He turned to Gaara then Sakura and Sasuke. "No offense."

"None taken." They simultaneously replied.

"Fugaku is living proof of that aspect. The older he got the more stamina, not that it wasn't cute at first."

Fugaku cleared his throat. "Getting back on topic. You want like a student-teacher thing going on again, don't you?"

The silver-haired man sighed heavily. "As overdone as that is its oh so freaking kinky. If I could go about it in a way that's never been done before I'll get back to you." Fugaku nodded in understanding. "Oh, by the way, you're going to need to prep Gaara-chan for his first shoot with you in two weeks."

"What do you mean? I'm no amateur, I've prepped—" The silver-haired man shook his head and Fugaku's eyes widened. "No. Oh no. Oh hell no! Hatake Sakumo, you sadistic bastard, not only did you give me a minor but you gave me a virgin?"

Sakumo shrugged. "I told you I wanted to do something new. I have yet to have an untainted employee shooting the loss of their actual virginity on camera. Its brilliant!"

"Its crazy!"

"Nonsense. What's **crazy** is hiring teenage fathers given sole custody of their children because said children's mothers went awol." Sakumo smirked as Fugaku glowered at him, "nothing to add Fugaku-kun? Now, as I was saying you'll need to do that thing I said... get him used to it so he won't feel anything other than the obvious discomfort at the first entry. Blah, blah, blah... things like that."

"Do you want me to do this on my own time? Or are you going to work it into the schedule?"

"You know me all too well Fugaku-kun. Naturally I was expecting you to do both." Fugaku facepalmed shaking his head. "Now I need to introduce Gaara-chan to the rest of the staff. And don't feel so bad, I'm putting both Hyūga twins in the exact same scenario. You three are my best employees after all~"

The black-haired man's left eye twitched as Sakumo and Gaara left. "Dad—"

"Oh, by the way." Sakumo's head popped up in the doorway once more, "I neglected to mention that this whole thing will be live... you know, as an added bonus. Bye~" Sending a wink to his employee the Sakumo walked off whistling.

The best friends exchanged and as Sasuke was about to speak Fugaku's cellphone began vibrating. The black-haired man unintentionally glared at the electronic device edging toward him then picked it up from the table reading the caller id. His eyebrows furrowed further seeing his son's number pop up. "Moshi moshi?" He replied sighing.

"_You don't sound too happy hearing from me tōsan."_

"Its not you I'm unhappy about, what do you want?"

"_Our lunch date? You're supposed to come here and pick me up."_

"Dad, who's on the phone?"

Sakura and Sasuke both hovered over Fugaku who held the phone away from his ear. "Its your brother." Sasuke groaned loudly. "I didn't forget our date Itachi—"

"You and aniki are dating?"

Sakura facepalmed and Fugaku put the cell on speaker phone knowing that Itachi would answer the question better than he ever could. _"No you idiot, we're just having lunch; when two or more people __with jobs__ go out for a meal between the hours of eleven and four its called a lunch date."_

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "That's not what a lunch date is! A-And anyway you're the idiot! How did you hear me anyway?" Sasuke glared at the cellphone hearing the loud sigh on the other side.

"_I heard you, baka otōto, because you're so loud... as usual. I suppose its alright for you to tag along since you're already there."_

"What do you mean you suppose its alright?"

"We'll be there Itachi. See you in a few." Shaking his head, Fugaku hung up his cell. "Must you always start with him? I can't tell you how many headaches I've received with your constant bickering."

"I don't start with him dad aniki's the one that always starts with me! Just last week he glued my hair to my pillow!" Once the pink-haired woman started chuckling Sasuke glared at her. "And it wasn't the cheap glue either, it was the expensive really sticky stuff; I had to cut off some of my hair to get free!" With the unruly way Sasuke's hair normally was, Fugaku would never have noticed – he probably won't notice a difference now that he was aware. "Aniki acts like the 'good son' in front of you but he's actually the devil! Ask Obito-nī, he'll tell you."

"Sasuke, don't you think you're overreacting just a little?"

"No!"

Sakura pouted. "I wish I could go too, you know to lunch, but I'm supposed to be running an errand for my father and he's probably wondering where I am right now." She grabbed Sasuke by the collar putting her arm around his shoulder. "Don't forget to ask your dad about the oil for me."

"Yeah, yeah. Although I won't even bother asking what you need it for."

The pink-haired woman grinned and Sasuke resisted the strong urge to shudder in disgust. "Say hi to Itachi-san for me~" Blowing a kiss to Sasuke she merrily left the dressing room.

Fugaku shook his head, "you definitely are not a good influence on that girl."

"Huh! What are you talking about? Its not me that— Oh crap, she forgot to..." Sasuke trailed off glancing over his shoulder at his father finishing off what was presumably his four water bottle. "Say dad, what's a twink?"

… … …

The entrance ceremony went off without a hitch. Roppongi High School implemented a new policy allowing parents, guardians and the like to explore their school with their child for a few minutes before classes began. So with that pretentious reasoning in mind Naruto, Konohamaru and Shikamaru aimlessly wandered the halls of the high school.

"Mendokusē..." Shikamaru sighed, "this whole thing isn't even necessary. Why would any parent want to take a tour of their kid's school during school hours?"

Naruto shrugged, "this school is pretty big." The blond tapped the taller teen on the shoulder, "you seem pissed. I figured you of all people would enjoy sitting in a chair for three hours doing nothing."

Shikamaru sighed again. "Yeah... but I was feeling really antsy for some reason." The black-haired teen cast a sidelong glance at his best friend. "Maybe one of your many disorders rubbed off on me."

"What many? I've only got two!"

"Naruto-nīchan, did we lose Ino-chan and Choji-kun?" Pausing, Naruto and Shikamaru stopped walking to look around the empty hallway.

"Well what do you know... we did." Naruto shrugged as he continued walking. The five of them had sat together at the entrance ceremony with their parents but once the auditorium cleared out it was pandemonium, pure and simple. The group managed to reconvene briefly in the hallway outside the auditorium before parting ways once again; the adults had to head out to work leaving Minato with their kids for an indefinite amount of time presumably to have another impromptu sleepover to check out the new house Jiraiya neglected to give them the address to.

"What are you three doing?" Naruto stopped abruptly seeing his father walk briskly toward them.

"Whatever it was, it was Naruto's fault." Konohamaru and Shikamaru replied taking a step back, even though they were both a good distance away from him already, literally putting the blond in the line of fire. The two of them weren't about to get yelled at, especially when it was Naruto's idea to walk around to begin with.

"I was heading to the office to get Konohamaru's measurements for his uniform when I realized ...you know, _I was lacking a Konohamaru_ and since you two were missing as well I figured you were wandering this school. You're lucky none of the teachers from your high school are here or we'd be starting off on more than just a wrong foot."

Naruto gulped. Sure, he and Konohamaru had different surnames and as adopted siblings had no physical genetic similarities but because Minato was the one to come into the office every time Naruto did something everyone knew he was a Namikaze regardless of his surname and Konohamaru would be branded as a troublemaker as soon as they read his name on the attendance list. Not that Konohamaru wasn't a troublemaker but that was neither here nor there. Of course, to add more fuel to the proverbial fire, a few of Naruto's teachers from high school were teaching for about thirty years or so so they also taught his mother which opened up a whole new can of worms.

"And where are Choji and Ino?" Minato glanced at Shikamaru who shook his head shrugging. The blond sighed facepalming. "I'm sure they'll turn up soon. Lets just go to the office so we can do all the other stuff we're supposed to do today." The three teens wordlessly followed him. It took a lot to piss Minato off – he was the pacifist parent; strict to a certain degree but calm and collected while still being loads of fun. Minato's bad mood was probably due to his unbridled twitching at the prospect of meeting a new editor coupled with too many bad high school memories involving Naruto and maybe himself as he and Kushina were schoolmates since elementary school.

Unfortunately Naruto alone couldn't truly be blamed for his bad reputation ...or at least he couldn't be _fully _blamed and thankfully this particular trait wasn't Minato's fault either. The nineteen-year-old's pranking was as legendary as it was hereditary and it was all thanks to the red hot-blooded habanero he called mom. Kushina was known for her pranks in elementary and middle school so how could Naruto not pull a few dozen pranks on a daily basis?

Being a prankster was one thing – especially since Naruto knew better than to pull a prank on his own father, Kushina wasn't so lucky though... which didn't exactly matter when the two engaged in prank wars every few months or so. But on the subject of hereditary traits Minato was eternally grateful that Naruto didn't inherit his mother's hair-trigger temper because the boy probably would not be living with him.

Minato sighed and as he reached for the office door it opened suddenly hitting him square in the face. Naruto and Konohamaru gasped grabbing their father before he hit the ground, which was likely given the force of the impact.

Three black-haired men came out of the door staring at the semi-conscious blond in the two teen's arms with blank expressions. It didn't take a genius to figure out what just happened so the tallest man sighed kneeling to their level. "Is your brother alright?"

"Brother?" Naruto asked incredulously, "this is our father!"

"Our...?" The man looked Naruto and Konohamaru up and down then Minato. "Father?"

"Dad!" The smallest black-haired guy knelt down to his father's level, "aniki only has an hour lunch break and there's a hospital on the way to the restaurant."

"Right." Sighing, the black-haired man and his – apparent – son rose to their feet. "I apologize for hitting your father with the door, allow me to take him to the hospital for treatment."

Konohamaru and Naruto exchanged glances. "Sure." The former replied, "but I need to get fitted for my new uniform."

"There's a tailor on the way there too." Konohamaru blushed at the sparkling black-haired guy leaning on his father. If the biggest black-haired man thought their dad looked too young to have two teenage sons (even if one was by adoption – but he didn't need to know that), he must not have realized that he didn't look old enough to have a son that looked about Naruto's age and if that other guy behind him was his son too than he definitely wasn't old enough to have a son who had to be in his early twenties!

"Are you sure that's alright?" Naruto asked suspiciously.

"Why not? Its the least we can do for hitting..." The man elbowed his son whispering something into his ear. "Your _father_? He looks younger than aniki does!" The taller black-haired guy looked over the shorter one's shoulder nodding in agreement.

… … …

Cobalt blue eyes opened blearily glancing up at the ceiling for a few seconds until they came into focus. Ever so slowly, Minato turned his head to the left ignoring the uncomfortable itching that particular movement caused. The wall Minato was now facing was completely bare and incredibly pristine. Ignoring the pain once more Minato slowly turned his head to the right looking at the plexiglass window.

The blond's lips quirked into a frown. It didn't take a genius to figure out he was in a hospital; of course having been to one too many due to his clumsy children (Naruto in particular) he knew that as soon as he opened his eyes. Turning his head back to its original position Minato looked up at the ceiling once more. So he was in a hospital? That must have meant he was hurt pretty badly and if he was just getting up then he was hurt so bad it left him unconscious.

With the antiseptics assaulting his olfactory senses, Minato slowly pushed himself up in a sitting position. The blond had been a frequent visitor of most of the hospitals in Tokyo but this one didn't seem familiar at all. His frown deepened... the last thing Minato remembered doing was walking. He was walking to the Roppongi High School office to get Konohamaru's measurements taken when—

Minato facepalmed almost immediately regretting the action as his forehead throbbed immensely. Hissing in pain, Minato's hands ventured up to his forehead which was encased in thick bandaging. Horrified, the blond's hands slid down the rest of his face where the bandages continued until part of his neck save for his eyes, nostrils and lips. In short he was a mummy!

The last two things Minato saw before fading out of consciousness were the door he was hit by and the blurred silhouette of his involuntary assailant. The silhouette in question appeared to be one of a muscular man that could knock him out with the opening of a shōji door with little effort. As for the door, why the school's main office door was made of steel was beyond the blond's guess but really wasn't the main conflict of interest at this point.

If his skull wasn't shattered then the door must have not hit him that hard but still hard enough to presumably put a dent in his face if the bandages were any indication – then again Minato was often told he was ridiculously hard headed so it must have been literal too.

Sighing, the blond slowly slid back into the laying position. He may have avid medical knowledge but Minato, sadly, knew nothing about head injuries. Surprisingly, the head overall was but one of two parts of Naruto's anatomy never broken or requiring medical attention.

The door suddenly opened and a startled Minato contemplated closing his eyes and feigning sleep but he decided against it at the last minute wanting to see the face of whoever it was; hopefully it would be the man that accidentally hit him. The sound of heavy footsteps came closer and closer to the bed increasing Minato's nervousness tenfold until a head popped up into his line of sight. As clear as day Minato found himself staring up into the face of an incredibly attractive frowning black-haired man. "Oh, you're awake."

Minato couldn't help but stare vacantly at the man. He would have gaped but the bandages and pain hindered most of his facial movements. It could have been the contrast of the man's dark apparel against the all white walls of the hospital room but this man was sporting one hell of an ethereal glow. "Are you alright?" With his frown deepening, the man shook his head. "That was a stupid question, I meant to ask if you are in any pain." Snapping out of his stupor, Minato slowly nodded. "I'll get the doctor." He turned around, paused, then turned back to Minato. "Right... I'm Uchiha Fugaku." He bowed. "I am sincerely sorry for hitting you with the door; as I was leaving you were coming in and well – you could guess what happened next."

Before Minato could open his mouth to introduce himself the door violently burst open revealing a buxom, visibly irate blond with her hair in low twin tails clad in a dark green doctor's coat that had 'the boss' sewn into its left side in kanji. Her twin tails swung with each powerful stride she took. Her scowl increased and her sandy brown eyes locked onto and narrowed at the now wide-eyed blond laying on the bed. Tsking, she walked over to the left side of the bed pulled the blond into the sitting position then forcibly turned his head to hers.

"I was just about to call for you Senju-san." Fugaku said, "he says he's in pain."

"No kidding." Taking out a flashlight from her pocket, the blond shone the light in both of Minato's eyes. "He already has a great deal of brain damage dealing with that ass of a father so this wound is minor in comparison. Still, he's lucky he didn't fracture that thick skull of his or we'd be having this conversation in the operating room right now." Minato gulped.

"Dad? Oh!" All eyes were on the grinning black-haired teen leaning in the doorway. Once he locked eyes with Minato he seemingly glided into the room at the foot of the bed. "Hiya. I don't think we've been properly introduced. I'm Uchiha Sasuke." The teen bowed.

"Yes." Fugaku put his hand on Sasuke's head moving it from side to side, "unfortunately this is my son."

"What do you mean unfortunately?"

"Ah, you're the one that asked for my autograph earlier." The blond put her flashlight back into her pocket, "do me a favor and hand me that pair of scissors on the table, would you?" Nodding the teen complied handing a rather large pair of scissors to the blond. She nodded to the teen then turned to Minato and with a sadistic grin she began, pressing the bottom of the scissors to the bandages cutting them upward until his face was revealed.

"Oh fuck!" Sasuke exclaimed covering his own mouth with both hands.

"Yup, that door fucked up his face pretty bad..." The blond commented slapping an alcohol pad onto his forehead somewhat disappointed out of the hissing she heard from her patient. She was expecting a full on shriek but Minato might have been keeping up a manly facade. "On the bright side you just have an opened wound which should be completely healed in a matter of months. What you're seeing is self-dissolving stitches." Sasuke and Fugaku both oohed at the explanation intently looking on. "These should dissolve in a month or so maybe even earlier, of course your scar will still be there but it won't be in danger or reopening... unless you hit it again. I bandaged your face to hold everything together because, honestly, you were quite the mess when you came in. And judging by the way it looks now I'll re-bandage it."

"Sasuke!" The teen flinched. "Hand me those bandages on the counter."

"You plan on putting him to work, don't you Senju-san?"

The blond smirked, "call me Tsunade and of course I do. That autograph wasn't cheap you know." Sighing, Sasuke nodded complying to the crazy woman's demands. He only got the autograph for Sakura who would have bitched at him relentlessly for missing the opportunity but telling the already irritable blond that might piss her off even more so he kept his mouth shut. Hell, if all this work was equivalent to an autograph a picture might be a week's worth of grunt work!

Getting bossed around hardly made Sakura's coos of thanks and questionable promises of making it up to him worth all this shit though it did make it very clear why Sakura got her panties wet just thinking about the blond – the pink-haired woman had an unsaid thing for assertive women and the head doctor was the epitome of assertiveness.

Cracking her knuckles, Tsunade began wrapping Minato's face again. Satisfied with the results she wiped her hands nodding.

"He looks exactly the same." Sasuke pointed out as he, his father and Tsunade stared at the bandaged man on the bed. Tsunade pointed to the bloody discarded bandages on the tray. "Ah... I get it."

"Now, Fugaku-kun, your eyes seem a bit glassy." Fugaku flinched as Tsunade began examining his face. "It looks like you need an allergy shot." The black-haired man gulped. He wasn't a trypanophob or anything but he was already on a shitload of overlapping allergy medications and those damn needles were about the length of a forearm and hurt like hell!

"N-No thanks Tsunade-san."

The blond nodded. "Well I'd better go, dozens of other patients to deal with and whatnot. I must say its an honor to meet an adult film star off set." Minato's eyes widened but it went unnoticed by the other occupants of the room. The only AV actor he ever met was his own adopted father but Jiraiya had stopped a few months before he adopted Minato. According to Jiraiya he was an AV actor for about three years and quit because he wasn't having enough sex. Now, under normal circumstances one might have scoffed at such a bizarre comment but as Jiraiya was a satyromaniac it was completely understandable for him to think that way.

"Okay." She turned to the blond, "don't open that big mouth of yours." She handed him a whiteboard. "Communicate on that, I'll tell your loudmouth sons and ignorant father of your situation." Nodding to the father and son, the blond exited the room.

"Dad, she didn't say his name did she?" Fugaku shook his head. Sasuke took it upon himself to approach the bed staring at Minato. "So... uh, what's your name?"

Minato glanced over in the general direction of Fugaku and Sasuke. Frowning slightly, he wrote something on the whiteboard then turned it to them. "Namikaze Minato." They simultaneously read aloud.

"Oh, by the way, I thought you should know your kids are at Utakata-san's shop, it has suits and all sorts of clothing but my brother took the brunet back to the school after his measurements were taken. He was working in that area today."

"Stop babbling."

"I can't help it." Sasuke's eyes narrowed at the board was turned back to him. "Thanks? Oh, it was no problem. I mean taking care of your kids was the least my dad could have done after messing up your face and all—"

Fugaku covered the protesting teen's mouth shaking his head. "As I said before..." He glared down at his son, "I apologize for your injury. Now that you're fixed up _we'll—_" He glanced down at his scowling son, "-let you rest now."

The board was turned back to Fugaku. "Wait?" Minato nodded then tapped the bottom of the board where something else was written. "Its not like you're bothering me and its pretty boring in here by myself so I wouldn't mind you staying."

Fugaku and Sasuke exchanged glances before the latter nudged the former then his mouth was released. "You stay, I'll check on... the rest of the group." The teen bowed. "It was a pleasure making your acquaintance Namikaze-san, all things considered." With that he merrily walked around of the room.

Fugaku rose an eyebrow as his son exited the room a little to easily for his liking. He thought Sasuke would put up more than a fight but Fugaku believed the nineteen-year-old was planning something.

Pushing that thought out of his mind, Fugaku pulled up the chair from the foot of the bed to the right side and sat down. "Sorry about Sasuke, his mother was a chatterbox too – and a lush but I shouldn't badmouth my son's mother no matter how much of a bitch she is." He looked up at Minato. "I'm sorry, what?"

The blond frowned holding up the whiteboard to Fugaku. "Yeah, I have two kids; the elder one is Itachi." More scribbling then the board was turned back to Fugaku. "How old? Well Itachi is... twenty-two and Sasuke's nineteen."

Fugaku's eyebrows furrowed as Minato erased what he previously wrote to write something else. Its a good thing the blond's hands weren't damaged too because communication would really be difficult. "I have two kids as well, fifteen and nineteen, the third – also nineteen – was my best friend's." The black-haired man nodded. "How about I move closer so you don't have to keep turning the board around?"

Minato nodded and Fugaku moved the chair upward so that it was near the head of the bed. Fugaku looked down at the board as Minato was writing. "So... you live around here?" Minato nodded, paused, then erased what he wrote on the board in favor of writing something else. "I just moved to Roppongi Hills?" Fugaku whistled, "ritzy."

Fugaku nodded then his eyebrows furrowed further as Minato wrote something else. "You don't have to keep reading my messages out loud. Oh—"

Fugaku stared at the blond stifling his laughter. Minato wrote down his response sporting something akin to a grin. Fugaku looked down at the board then up at the blond shrugging.

"You know..." Minato looked up at the smirking man. "I'm sure it won't hurt talking and I promise not to tell Tsunade-san if you speak."

The blond shook his head rapidly scribbling something down. Fugaku rose an eyebrow as Minato nodded. "Is Tsunade-san really that bad? I heard stories about her temper and Sasuke's best friend completely idolizes her but—"

Minato drew a frowny face onto the board. "I—" With his phone buzzing loudly Fugaku fished the stupid thing out of his pocket. "Hold on for just one second." He glanced down at the screen with a single line text from Sasuke that read:

'_Why don't you just ask him out already?'_ With a smiley face of all things attached to it.

Fugaku looked out the corner of his eye at the plexiglass door spotting that oh-so familiar sliver of bluish-black hair that could only belong to his second born. Judging by the way the spikes were turned, the nineteen-year-old was leaning against the wall fiddling with his own cellphone while spying in on his father. So much for him checking on the blond's kids.

Minato was busy with the whiteboard so Fugaku sent his reply; a quick and simple: _'What the hell are you talking about?'_

Fugaku was astounded by the speed of his son's reply: _'Idiot, he's obviously flirting with you!' _

Ignoring the fact that his son just called him an idiot and sending a quick glance at the blond rapidly writing on the board, Fugaku looked back down at his phone seeing another message from Sasuke: _'You did hit him with a door, a date is the least you can do.' _With a heart ending the sentence.

Fugaku's eyes narrowed at the screen. _'Flirting Sasuke, really? The man isn't even permitted to talk and you think he's flirting with me?' _Sighing, Fugaku shook his head then added another message. _'And what do you mean its __**the least **__I could do?'_

A loud rumbling caused Fugaku to look up at the blond blushing slightly rubbing the back of his neck. "I'll ask Tsunade-san if—"

As if on cue, the door swung open again and Tsunade's head popped up. "I almost forgot. You obviously can't eat anything hot and I wouldn't exactly recommend chewy or crunchy foods but hey, what the hell do I know. Jiraiya's own his way bringing some food so bear with it a bit longer." Then the blond exited as quickly as she came in leaving both mean speechless.

Feeling his phone buzzing in his hand, Fugaku glared down at the item in question sighing in relief when he noticed the text he received wasn't from Sasuke but Itachi.

Which happened to be a surprise in itself because, unlike Sasuke, Itachi wasn't ...well the nicest way to phrase it would be to say the twenty-two year old wasn't technologically sound; the last cellphone Itachi had in his grasp broke within twelve minutes of its purchase – a replacement cellphone plan was truly a godsend because of Itachi's uncharacteristic clumsiness or general lack of awareness with technology Fugaku didn't risk getting him a fancy over the top cellphone like the one Sasuke had. Hell, he wouldn't bother getting him one I the first place if Itachi wasn't always away at school or work – unlike Sasuke everyone Itachi conversed with on a regular basis was in the immediate area so they just showed up whenever.

'_Sasuke told me that guy you hit with the door was wrapped up tighter than a burrito.'_

Fugaku sighed sending his reply. His damn kids had a severe lack of eloquence! _'Yes ...in a matter of speaking.'_

"I'm so damn hungry..." Eyes widening, Fugaku's head snapped up at the blond who had his hands over his mouth looking around the room. Honestly, Fugaku didn't expect anything – I mean what was he supposed to expect? But he never thought he blond's voice would sound so ...seductive; in all his years in the pornographic industry Fugaku never got turned on merely by a voice. "Well, at least it doesn't hurt to talk." Sheepishly, the blond rubbed the back of his neck. Frowning slightly, Minato scribbled something onto the board holding up covering the lower half of his face.

"Yeah, I'm okay... why wouldn't I be?" Eyebrows furrowing, Fugaku glared down at the phone buzzing in his hand briefly then looked back at the board that had something else written on it.

He glanced at the blond's blue eyes before sighing. "I've been staring at my phone because I have a meddlesome, text crazy, teenage neet for a son."

Minato nodded slowly. He'd seen enough otaku films with Jiraiya and Naruto to know what the definition of a 'neet' was and with his sudden withdrawal from school Shikamaru was currently a neet too. Even though they were all the same age neither Shikamaru nor Naruto paid too much attention to their cellphones – at least Minato never saw them use them other than to play the occasional game or check the time.

Fugaku glanced back at the whiteboard turned to him again. "My age?" Minato nodded. "You said— I gotta stop reading out loud. Well, I'm thirty-seven."

Minato's eyes widened but otherwise kept a neutral expression as he wrote down his next question. "My birthday is August 16th."

Minato sighed in relief. He couldn't bear the thought of being a full year older than a man who clearly outmuscled him though Minato did have a slight, near nonexistent height advantage.

Wait a minute...! Minato had his suspicions of Fugaku being in his late thirties meaning he helped conceive his first born no older than the tender age of eighteen. So if Fugaku was thirty-seven with a twenty-two year old son... a simple mathematical equation would entail thirty-seven minus twenty-two is fifteen meaning Fugaku **would have** been fifteen; however, judging by the ruby and pearl birthstones adorning the necklace he wore, Itachi's birthday was either one or two months before his as pearl and ruby birthstones were for June and July birth months respectively. So, Fugaku wasn't fifteen but _fourteen_ when Itachi was born!

Old people often said Minato was bad having a kid before he hit twenty but Fugaku had two! In fact, both were born before he turned eighteen!

"Okay, you asked me a bunch of questions so now its my turn." Minato suppressed the urge to gulp but nodded. "You know of my ...profession, so what do you do?"

Minato stared at the man briefly before scribbling his response on the whiteboard. "A writer? Following in your father's footsteps?" Minato's head snapped up at Fugaku curiously. "The surname? Namikaze Jiraiya is one of the best known authors in the world and I've read a few of his works before. You write the same—" The blond hastily shook his head.

"Right..." Fugaku looked down at yet another text that simply stated:

'_Tick-tock dad, I'll be twenty by the time you're done. Are you waiting for summer vacation to make a move?'_

Fugaku's right eye twitched. At Minato's sigh he looked up at the blond. "What's the matter?" Frowning, he wrote his response on the whiteboard with a sad face next to it. "An editor? I doubt you'll be able to meet him in your current condition." Minato sighed nodding in agreement, "then again you can't exactly call and cancel... what if you text him?"

Fugaku glanced down at the board as Minato was writing. It was impressive that he was writing both backwards and upside down neatly. "Well, does someone have his number?" The blond shook his head. "I see... how would you know your editor if you don't even know his name?"

Minato stared at the black-haired man. Honestly, he hadn't thought of that. He was too busy worrying about the move and Konohamaru's new school to pay attention to what his former boss told him – no matter he'd just contact the editor in chief of Amagakure Inc. to get the name of his editor.

As Fugaku was glancing at his cellphone Minato wrote something on the whiteboard tapping it once he was done. The black-haired man's head snapped up and his eyes narrowed at the whiteboard. "Yeah. I'd actually like to get a drink with you sometime."

The blond smiled, at least it seemed like a smile, then he grabbed his cellphone from the nearby table handing it to Fugaku who typed in his number in the phone.

Minato internally sighed in relief as the phone was handed back to him. Hopefully, 'going out for drinks' would lead to more than ...just going out for drinks. Sure, he jumped the gun asking out a porn star he barely knew but he had the extreme pleasure of watching a couple of Fugaku's films and _that_ was reason enough to ask him out spontaneously. In addition to that he saw several interviews and specials with the black-haired man not filming and he appeared to be rather genuine.

Sex was a ten ...maybe twenty, _possibly thirty,_ percent reason for doing this; not that he wasn't capable of controlling his hormones... the blond had a polygamous relationship with his two hands for _years_ so control wasn't an issue. Sure, Fugaku was attractive and Minato did pleasure himself watching him but he truly wanted to be friends with the black-haired man.

An opportunity like this didn't just happen everyday and he'd be an idiot to let it slip past without reaping a benefit or two. Befriending a porn star would give him access to sex toys and adult films which made this situation a win-win. Besides, you were never too old to make new friends. Most of the friends Minato had he met through his childhood so he was overdue for a new friend his age.

The Namikaze household had its six residents but on average housed about six to ten visitors on a weekly basis, Fugaku would probably be the first visitor there solely for Minato which would be great because his editors weren't exactly welcomed visitors and they usually stopped by to meet Jiraiya.

Sighing, Minato scrolled down the contact list in his phone staring blankly at the Ama Inc. with a sad face next to it. He glanced up at Fugaku showing him the phone.

"You're going to work for Amagakure?" The blond nodded. "Damn, I heard they—" Fugaku cleared his throat and internally shook his head, he could no longer question Itachi and Sasuke's lack of eloquence as they clearly got it from him. "I'm sure its okay. You have a fairly good reason for not meeting your editor today."

A reasonably low chime resonated through the room until Fugaku pressed some kind of button on his phone. "I almost forgot I have to work today." Minato quickly scribbled something on the board tilting his head. "What? No, I'm an ironworker too."

After a few seconds of silence Fugaku stood. "So listen. I gotta go now, call me when you feel better and we'll go out for drinks." Minato nodded as the black-haired man put the chair back against the wall. "I guess I'll see you around."

Minato gulped as Fugaku walked out of the hospital room. Fortunately the bandages concealed his blush that he felt was taking over his face either that or he could have reopened his wound and that warmth spreading over his face could be his own blood. To make sure it was the former and not the latter Minato gently pat his face and was overjoyed that it wasn't moist.

"Ah, so you're okay more or less." Minato looked up at his best friend leaning partially into the room. "Did you need reconstructive surgery?" The blond shook his head as Shikaku came fully into the room. "That's a relief but those bandages aren't gonna heal overnight despite your resiliency. Now I see where Naru gets his clumsiness from and for _years_ I could swear it was from Kushina-chan."

Choosing to ignore that last statement Minato erased his previous conversation and wrote something on the whiteboard turning it to Shikaku who furrowed his eyebrows. "You seriously met the porn star Uchiha Fugaku in person? Here?" With the telltale signs of a smirk Minato nodded. "Is he the one that hit you with the door?" Minato was set to nod but paused staring at his best friend questioningly. "Oh, uh, Naruto told me when I saw him a few minutes ago. He said it looked like him but he wasn't sure and didn't get a good look. In case you were interested I sent them all home with Inoichi – well they're at his home to clarify."

Minato nodded sighing. "So, you actually met Uchiha Fugaku... did you get an autograph?" Minato shook his head then perked up holding his cellphone. "What? You got his number? Who says you don't still have the charm Namikaze. Hm?" Shikaku glanced at the whiteboard after Minato turned it back to him. "Oh, he's a construction worker too?" Minato was about to write something but Shikaku shook his head. "No Minato, ironwork is a _form_ of construction work which makes him a specialty construction worker." Even as Minato continued to stare at him the black-haired man continued. "Hmm... so he's an ironworking porn star? I guess he keeps both physically and sexually fit." Shikaku whistled. "Damn... that is impressive."

"You know Minato, at least you can say something good came out of this entrance ceremony." The black-haired man chuckled at the glare he was receiving.

… … …

By the time Fugaku left the hospital room there wasn't a trace of his teenage son in the vicinity; hopefully his brother picked him up before the teen could get himself into more trouble. Hopefully.

He'd just call to confirm. Sasuke did complain a lot about some of Itachi's brotherly 'methods' but Fugaku had to admit it often kept the teen out of trouble because as the saying went an idle mind is the devil's playground and for someone currently lacking both employment and education Sasuke's mind was often as idle as physically possible.

Flipping open his cellphone, Fugaku dialed the number one which was Itachi's new number. A few seconds of endless ringing later he heard a voice on the other line. _"Dad?"_ Okay, so that answered his question.

"Where are you and why are you picking up your brother's phone?"

"_We're in Narita and my phone battery died."_

"How the hell did you two get to the airport so fast?"

"_Helicopter!_" The nineteen-year-old chirped while the twenty-two year old's voice was muffled in the background – the voice was clear but what he was saying wasn't. _"And listen to this dad it cost __¥90,000 for both of us!"_ Fugaku's jaw dropped. _"We never rode in a helicopter before so we had to try it out. I mean, how many times does one get to ride in a helicopter anyway? But enough about us what about you?"_

"What do you mean?" Even though they were on the phone, Fugaku somehow knew Sasuke was shaking his head in disapproval.

"_What do you mean, what do I mean? You know exactly what I meant!" _

"Oh _that, _it went well." The nineteen-year-old never seemed so adamant about Fugaku's previous relationships; in fact the little urchin never allowed Fugaku to form a relationship. Fugaku wasn't exactly seeking his approval but Sasuke had made it physically impossible for Fugaku to show even the slightest interest in anyone other than himself – it was amazing that he was even willing to share him with his brother and uncle.

Surprisingly though, Sasuke had no problem with Fugaku getting together with friends and co-workers in the films but once those cameras were off Sasuke went into this overprotective mother-hen mode... or would it be son hen mode?

Sasuke's mother left shortly after delivering him leaving the newborn, Fugaku, a three-year-old Itachi and a seven-year-old Obito in the maternity ward until the baby was released a few days later. During that stay one of the nurses felt that it was alright to flirt with Fugaku being a single father and all but little Sasuke was having none of it. The not even three hour old newborn unleashed his first temper tantrum, screaming at the top of his lungs, as soon as the woman touched his father. Needless to say that successfully scared off the woman and every other nurse in the vicinity. Afterwords, Sasuke even appeared to be giving the nurses the evil eye!

But Sasuke's territorial reign of terror didn't end there. The terrible toddler stopped at nothing to make sure his father didn't socialize. When he was a two-year-old, an incredibly flashy and obviously older male had asked Fugaku out on set and even came by his house to pick him up offering to put the kids with his very trustworthy babysitter or some sort of bull like that.

Fugaku still had no idea what truly happened but whatever they unleashed on that poor man had to be nothing sort of nightmarish seeing as how he quit working for Otogakure the very next day. As the second oldest person in the house, Fugaku left a nine-year-old 'responsible' Obito in charge while he took a nap before his date's arrival. The then twenty-year-old had been shooting movies all week so as soon as he hit the futon he was out like a light. Everything that happened after that was straight from the kids' mouths...

Apparently sometime during the nap the man arrived to 'play' with the kids possibly in an attempt to have a better chance of sleeping with Fugaku since he wasn't an actor he couldn't do it on set. It seemed as though the kids came to a silent agreement to get rid of this guy ending the date before it began.

As soon as Obito let the man in the house he tripped over one of Itachi's strategically placed toys and fell into a bowl of Sasuke's scalding hot oatmeal. In an attempt to 'cool him off' Obito and Itachi threw cold water on the man and perhaps to get his temperature back to normal Sasuke accurately sprayed his equally scalding hot milk right in the man's face. If that wasn't bad enough, the two older kids engaged themselves in a pillow fight that had the man running out of the house screaming waking Fugaku up.

That was all the guilty party told him but Fugaku was certain there was a lot more to it; though he had to admire their teamwork even growing up in their twenties they were still tight-knit always looking out for one another.

Thinking back made Fugaku wonder why Sasuke was so hellbent on getting him to go out with the blond other than the blatant fact that Minato was hot even temporarily mummified. There had to be some sort of motive Fugaku didn't see but what was it?

"—_ad? Dad! You still there?"_

"You said you were in Narita, right? I'm on my way."

Meanwhile, in Narita airport, Sasuke glowered at Itachi's cellphone handing it back to his older brother. His father had some nerve hanging up on him! Just how the hell were they supposed to communicate now? Sasuke grit his teeth, he knew he should have charged his cellphone before he left.

As he wasn't in school and didn't have a job, Sasuke had absolutely nothing better to do with his time other than sleeping around and when he wasn't in the mood for that he was at home watching game shows and romantic comedy movies so he was somewhat of a self-taught expert in the romance game; though he had to admit he was less than thrilled about the prospect of his father pursuing a love life but as he was growing up he had to, reluctantly, let go of his selfish tendencies.

But said tendencies weren't exactly unwarranted. His father had two separate women dump children off with him; well, the first woman's actions were excusable because of her death shortly after giving birth to Itachi, but Sasuke's own mother didn't want him and even discharged herself from the hospital a mere hours after delivering him! Anyone else stupid enough to fuck with Uchiha Fugaku not only had the nineteen-year-old to deal with but there was also the trickster that was Obito and lets not forget Itachi – and that crazy bastard was one hundred times more cynical and malicious than Sasuke and Obito combined could ever hope to be!

Besides, the best part of all this would be that Sasuke got to see the blond occasionally and he bred some incredibly attractive offspring which was another bonus – however, his father and the blond couldn't form a baby together in the conventional sense so they would have to just stick to surrogacy but the teen was getting ahead of himself. Not to mention he was the baby of the family and planned to stay the baby for quite a while.

Flipping his cellphone closed, Itachi glanced at his frowning little brother. "Okay, I'll bite. What the hell is wrong with you this time?"

"Hm?" Sasuke looked up then shook his head. "_This time_? What makes you think anything is wrong? I'm just bored out of my mind waiting for dad to show up. Knowing him he probably took the train or something." Sasuke sighed, "Why can't we take the Seikan Tunnel home?"

"Do you really want to spend the next ten hours in a train? No thank you."

"Then how come we can't take a plane home ourselves?"

"Well, dipshit, that's simple. You are a minor and I am not going to vouch for you and if you somehow manage to get past security good luck paying for your ticket with no money since you just blew ¥90,000 on a helicopter ride. You can't seem to get it through your thick skull that its dad with the money, not us..." Itachi cracked his knuckles making Sasuke gulp. "So when we get back to Osaka, I'm gonna beat about half of that out of you and maybe, just maybe, if you're still breathing I'll do the rest tomorrow."

"N-Now hold on aniki, the money dad gives us is yours and you can't seriously tell me you didn't enjoy the ride."

"As usual you fail to see the point." Sasuke frowned. "A sheltered neet like yourself has no damn business freely spending someone else's money then has the gall to complain of all things. If you ask me, dad is far too lenient with you."

"Oh? So what about you breaking cellphones with a mere touch? That total cost of all those cellphones are far more than ¥90,000 aniki, so who's really the wasteful son?" Itachi's eyes narrowed and Sasuke gulped.

"Are you sure you wanna go down that road with me Sasuke? Its a one-way street leading to a dead end." The nineteen-year-old shook his head and Itachi slumped back in his seat.

Itachi was a pretty straightforward guy so a threat from him wasn't something to fuck around with – Sasuke knew that from personal experience. The twenty-two year old seemed like the cool older brother everyone wanted to hang around or become but it was all misunderstood sadism and general jerkass attitude. But make no mistake, Itachi was as cool as everyone thought he was... it was just the underling of that other stuff.

"Well, well, well if it isn't the infamous Uchiha siblings." The brothers in question glanced up at the white-haired man trudging toward them. Hōzuki Mangetsu was another one of those cool older brothers everyone wished they had though unlike Sasuke, Suigetsu, never complained about his brother behind closed doors and Sasuke had been around Suigetsu long enough to know if the twenty-four year old was exactly what Suigetsu said. Mangetsu plopped down beside Itachi. "Where's papa Uchiha?" The white-haired man looked up as his little brother ran over to the bench.

"Damn..." He wheezed putting his hands on his knees catching his breath, "that... was unfair!"

"Well, that's the way the cookie crumbles Sui. You lost which means you pay the fare for all three of us."

"Three?" Sasuke echoed and as if one cue, the nineteen-year-old slowly turned around in time to see Yuki Haku in all his androgynous glory walking over to Suigetsu placing what appeared to be a water bottle on his cheek.

The brunet said something to his slightly younger half-brother but it was lost to Sasuke. That karma thing was a ruthless and heinous bitch! He only spent ¥90,000 – it wasn't his fault they wouldn't let him board the helicopter without a legal adult – should he really be forced to board the same airplane as his arch-rival?

Those giant brown eyes glanced over at him and Sasuke knew right then and there that he was screwed. "Oh, hey." He waved, it was obviously directed at Itachi so Sasuke didn't bother returning any sort of greeting because the only one he was in the mood to do was flip the bird.

Panting, Suigetsu unceremoniously slid down next to Sasuke then began chugging down his water. "You guys are heading back to Osaka too, what part of Tokyo did you come from?" Mangetsu asked handing his water bottle to his little brother.

"Roppongi." Itachi replied and like he expected the three of them whistled appreciatively and simultaneously. "It wasn't all pleasant, apparently dad hit some guy with a door hospitalizing him. Why are you three here?"

"We went to Utakata-kun performance." Haku replied, "I'm not really sure what it was to be honest but he sent us tickets and the one-way fare."

"Why only one way?"

"Because he's going to a bunch of other places and won't be home for three days, we would have joined him but Suigetsu and I gotta be in school and stuff so we had to decline. We have pictures and stuff if you want to see them."

Mangetsu glanced over at Sasuke glancing, more like glaring, at his cellphone. "You're too quiet chibi." He prodded the teen with his finger repeatedly. "Something must be up."

Grinning, Haku knelt in front of him. "You're not sick, are you _chibi_?" Onyx eyes glanced up at chocolate. That bastard had a lot of nerve calling him chibi when they were the exact same height! Chuckling, Haku stood. "Nope. He seems fine to me."

A little over a half-hour had passed before Fugaku arrived at the Narita airport. Sasuke was forced to purchase the three tickets with his own money and if karma wasn't already ruthless enough it had Sasuke and Haku seated next to one another with Itachi while Mangetsu, Suigetsu and Fugaku were all in different seats away from each other.

Sasuke glanced at his brother seated at the aisle seat leaning back listening to something on those headphones the flirtatious flight attendants handed out. Heterochromatic blackish-crimson eyes glanced at Sasuke and their twenty-two year old owner smirked mouthing the words 'payback is a bitch' before turning his attention back in front of him.

Glowering, Sasuke slumped back in his seat. To the right of him was his arch-rival also listening to his headphones and on the left was his jackass of an older brother who refused to sit between them in case any sort of altercation broke out.

If those words weren't proof enough, this was more than likely Itachi's way of telling Sasuke to put on his big boy pants and deal with his rivalry on his own – or suck it up and wait until they hit the ground. It was one thing to start a fight on the ground, no problem but the air was one giant hell no. The brunet silently seemed to agree as he didn't even bother glancing in Sasuke's direction unless a flight attendant caught his attention.

At the same time, in all the years Sasuke knew the older boy Yuki Haku was nothing if not sneaky. It was possible he was plotting something at this very moment. His peripheral vision wasn't all that good so Sasuke had to turn to the brunet, if anyone asked he could just say he was looking out the window. Fortunately, Haku was looking out the window as well – perhaps still avoiding glancing at Sasuke's direction or plotting. Sasuke couldn't figure that out yet.

Well, the hour long flight had gone off without a hitch and the trios went their separate ways. By the time they got home, Obito was there raiding the fridge as usual.

As Fugaku left to work whichever job he was supposed to and Itachi left to his own devices it was just Sasuke and Obito hanging out in the living room. "So... he hit an author with a door?" The twenty-seven year old asked to clarify getting a nod as a response. "Well, aniki always was heavy handed I'm surprised the guy's face didn't break or something."

"It would have been a shame if dad messed up his face."

"So, he must have been really hot huh?" Sasuke nodded. "Wait a minute... you're not trying to play cupid again are you? Because I gotta say, trying to set me and Kakashi up wasn't exactly the best of things to do."

"Okay and I cannot apologize enough. How was I to know he was a shameless, voracious sex addict? I only knew about that whole reading porn in public bit!"

"Whatever. Itachi-kun and aniki are gonna be royally pissed to find out you're trying to play matchmaker again."

"I'm not! Surprisingly, everything is moving on its own." Obito curiously rose an eyebrow. "I offered dad some advice and he didn't take it and when I checked his phone before he left for work Namikaze-san's number was there."

"Namikaze? As in The Golden Flash? Icha-Icha series?"

"I'm not sure what the golden flash is but its not the Icha-Icha Namikaze, its his son."

"The _Yellow_ Flash, was Namikaze Minato's nickname in Konohagakure High School in Tokyo." Obito and Sasuke looked up at Itachi leaning against the wall. "I read a lot." Pushing himself off the wall he approached the duo. "Your meddling is a real bad habit Sasuke."

"I don't meddle."

"Need I remind you of the last time you wanted to get involved in a family member's personal life?" Huffing, Sasuke folded his arms over his chest. "Why are you so damn adamant about this?"

"Ada-what?"

Itachi sighed. "I'll put this in idiotic little brother terms, no offense Obito." The twenty-seven year old shrugged and nodded. "Why are you so damn obsessed with dad's lack of a love life? Last I checked you were all for preventing it."

"I still am! People usually show an interest in dad because of his looks and films and don't even bother getting to know him." Itachi sighed. "If this guy truly likes dad as is then who are we to stop it? All I want to do is help."

"You're kidding right? I told you countless times none of your harebrained schemes work Sasuke and when they backfire its the two of us that clean up your failures."

"That's not true!"

"The hell is isn't. You're the biggest cockblocker this side of Japan. And don't even think of trying to butter me up."

Sasuke gulped. As big as a jerk Itachi was he would do anything for his precious baby brother – so Sasuke was glad he had something on Itachi for all the shit his brother put him through. However, Itachi clearly favored their father more than his little brother so this whole situation might not be as easy as Sasuke originally thought out.

"Neh, Itachi-kun, lets humor Sasuke a bit hm?" The brothers turned to Obito. "What did you plan on doing Sasuke? Lets help you successfully break up this relationship before it begins."

"You two have zero confidence in my cupid-esque talents. Yes, I fucked up once but that doesn't mean I can't do better. And I intended on letting this relationship progress as natural as possible ...if we met his family formally."

Obito's jaw dropped and Itachi sighed. "I should have known you had something stupid going on in that brain of yours."

"You're shitting us, right Sasuke?" The nineteen-year-old shook his head. "You must be out of your mind—"

"Just hear me out! Dad's already taking backwards steps. They had a physical altercation before getting to know one another so why not get the families involved early? I mean, we sort of already met at the school remember?"

"I didn't meet him."

Itachi folded his arms over his chest. "Neither did I and judging by his texts I'm sure Sasuke stuck around long enough to see and/or interrogate this man after I went back to work."

"I didn't interrogate him... but you guys do know that dad spoke of us right? So why can't we just add the faces to the names?"

"That's it." Sasuke squawked as Itachi lifted him off the couch putting him at eye level. "Sasuke, you're my one and only brother and I love you unconditionally but you're better listen up and listen well." Gulping, Sasuke nodded. "Honestly, I don't care what kind of relationship dad is going to have with this guy and I'm sure Obito doesn't care either." The twenty-seven year old nodded in agreement. "But so help me if your romance-addled brain finds a way to meddle and fuck this up in any way I promise that I will make you regret it for the rest of your natural born life. Am I making myself clear?"

"C-Crystal!"

"Good." Itachi released his little brother depositing him on the couch. "And we have a witness just to make sure."


End file.
